A lamaran is the occasion on which a man who has his heart set on a particular woman formally asks permission from her family and local community to marry her.

We were invited to the lamaran of an Indonesian friend who is going to marry an Australian.

After a drive through the dark and rainy countryside north of Parangtritis, we were ushered in to sit on the spacious veranda of a big village house, where lots of men, many in peci and sarung, were already gathered. Apart from the bride-to-be, I was the only woman.

The head of the village gave the opening speech. After which, it seemed they kindly rearranged the event to accommodate the prospective bridegroom's foreignness. Normally, there is kind of "interview", asking what the man's intentions are in visiting the house. But on this occasion, a senior member of the family took the proposal as read, and simply accepted it. Tokens of seriousness -- a bank deposit and a ring -- were presented to the bride-to-be's father.

A few more speeches, and then it was time for sweet tea and cake, followed by a delicious dinner. This, then, was what all the women had been doing...

I find it fascinating to observe such events. Very dignified, very refined (halus). You don't gather round partying, and slapping backs, and telling jokes. You sit, quietly smoking if you want, while the speeches are made and the deed is done.

And it's very public, very traditional. "This is how it's done." It can be adapted to suit your circumstances -- but this, basically, is what you do. In the nicest possible way...

Home again through the rain. Showers of blessing, we hope...