I am often asked where I am from and generally I reply 'New Zealand' where the main game is rugby union football. However in many parts of the world soccer is a very popular game and in South East Asia English soccer is especially popular and it is not unusual to be asked which team you support.

Now I was born and grew up in England and did support a team or two. However I was never really that enthused and paid little attention until the African Cup of Nations in 1998 held in Burkino Faso.

At this time we were living in the neighbouring country of Cote d'Ivoire and a number of the staff in our residence were keen supporters of the game and, naturally, their national teams. It was thus that when a match was being televised that three or four would come and clean our apartment.

Meanwhile back in the present you can say that in New Zealand Rugby Football is the popular game and you don't really follow a soccer team, but apparently you must support an English soccer team. So you try taking the path of least resistance and you say that you support Nottingham Forest.

I originally 'supported' Leeds United to their loss against Chelsea (after a replay) in 1970and then changed allegiance to Forest as they were both local and a reasonably good team. By the late 1970's they were very successful and won the European Cup in 1979 and 1980. But we drifted apart, I went to university and had no TV and Forest failed to maintain the winning way. Last month in a barbers shop in England they were selling commemorative plates of those glorious victories of thirty years ago, I found that rather sad.

So I reply with 'Nottingham Forest' and the variety of facial expressions from the questioner is fascinating. The chicken man who knows me well from many a breakfast and lunchtime transaction just laughed. Others display a sense of bafflement or just go quiet, not knowing what to say next. They all to a man support the modern successful teams, Manchester United being the most popular.

When I moved to Melbourne, Australia I very quickly discovered in much the same way that it was necessary to support an Australian Rules Football team. The problem here was which one. As I lived in South Melbourne the Sydney Swans was recommended using the bizarre logic that the Swans franchise had formerly been a South Melbourne team. But using current geographic proximity the Melbourne Demons was chosen.

The Demons have occupied the bottom spot in the AFL past two seasons, but I support a team and that is what matters in Melbourne. But there is another, and much more important difference between football as in soccer and Football as in Ozzie Rules: Ozzie rules is interesting.

Twenty-two soccer players, a referee and a pair of linesman can run around a little rectangle for ninety minutes and not score anything. That's right nil-nil, zip all, hardly worth turning up for.

Now that never happens at a proper Footie game. Eighteen players a team, plus multiple officials and occasional support staff all running around a pitch so big that flocks of seagulls are able to settle in the quieter areas means real action and plenty of goals. One game watching your team, win or lose, at the MCG is worth a season of soccer. But you try explaining that to the man in the food court and you realise that there is something dreadfully wrong with the world.