This is by Huda Fahmy; it was first published in 2020; and it's subtitled: A Muslim Love Story.

I rarely read graphic novels, but Nigel recommended this after encountering the author through her comic strip, Yes, I'm Hot in This. That seems a bit intermittent these days, but it is a brilliant comic, a great projection of what it feels like to be a hijab-wearing Muslim woman in America. It's funny, down-to-earth, and instantly relatable, and shows beautifully both what is unique to Islam and what is shared by the female community everywhere. It is beautifully and expressively drawn, using simple, clean lines to great effect.


An illustration from That Can Be Arranged

Yes, I'm Hot in This (which now also comes in book form) originated in 2017: "Trump was elected and there were a lot of really horrible things being said about Muslims. It’s been happening my whole life but it seemed like it was so much louder and so much more in your face because of social media. That really spurred me on to drawing and telling my story through a web comic format."

Fahmy is the child of immigrants. She has always loved comics, and used them to learn English when she was young (she was born in the US, but her parents spoke Arabic at home).

She's actually talking about a later book in this interview, but she has some very interesting things to say about the immigrant experience, worth quoting at length:

"A lot of times [the children of immigrants] can feel out of place in their own community. It’s like they have a foot in both communities, and they just can’t seem to find a place where they fit in.

"I always thought that it was unique to me, that nobody else knows what I’m going through, and then you grow up and realize that that was really common and a lot of people know what this is and have an identity crisis, which I continue to struggle with to this day. I’ll go into a mosque and still feel like I don’t fit in, and when I go to a predominantly non-Muslim function, I still feel like I should feel like I fit in and I don’t. It’s most jarring when I go to a place where there’s mostly Arabs and I feel that these are my people. They all know these songs and dances and I don’t know where they learned them from, and Arab TV dramas from overseas that I didn’t have access to because I didn’t have cable. Am I Arab enough? It’s confusing...

"I’m so torn about assimilating. When I was growing up, it was so important to assimilate. It was why we were put in public school, because they were afraid we’d fall behind and not be accepted by society. Now as an adult, I feel like why do we have to assimilate? It’s unfortunately used a lot politically. You need to fit in. If you’re going to be in this country, you have to assimilate. But why though? We can live in this country, live peacefully, live among each other and still be very different. And that’s okay. I don’t want to be the Muslim you want me to be, I don’t want to be the Arab you want me to be. I think it’s okay to live your life and live your beliefs. As long as you feel comfortable in your own skin, you’ll fit in no matter where you go."


Yogya, 2011

I have no intention of getting into the whole veiling debate. I have Muslim friends who cover, and Muslim friends who don't. Whatever their decision, it's not up to me to judge it. But I do like the way Fahmy exposes some of the prejudices on the topic. In one of her strips, she has this exchange:

"I can't believe you wear that thing on your head. It's so oppressive."
"How is choosing who gets to see my body oppressive?"

You know that old ice-breaker asking which author, alive or dead, you'd most like to have dinner with? Of all the authors I've written about on my blog this year, I'd think I'd pick Huda Fahmy...



*_*_*

Anyway, back to That Can Be Arranged. It's highly autobiographical, but I'll refer to the character as Huda, to distinguish her from the author. Technically, there are spoilers below, but Fahmy is after empathy not suspense, so I don't think I'm giving too much away.

We begin like this: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman of 25 will probably never get married. Well... that was the truth in my community anyway."

With her trademark heart-on-sleeve but self-deprecating humour, Fahmy tells us about the business of setting up a marriage in her particular Muslim environment (having duly warned us that the Muslim community is far from monolithic, and these practices can differ markedly from place to place).

Some of the girls Huda knows do marry virtual strangers -- people they have barely met. By the age of 15, she is totally clear that she is NOT going to do that. But by 17, feeling the clock ticking already, she's begging her parents to arrange some meetings for her. They don't think she's ready, and when they finally give in and arrange for her to see a "suitor", she acknowledges that they're absolutely right: She's not ready.

Huda majors in English, and loves Jane Austen: "Let me tell you, I related HARD to the rules of courtship in Austen's novels. 'Yo! This lady was low-key Muslim. I see you, Jane bint Austen.'" With the nosy mothers, the balls, the chaperones, the dowries, she can totally picture herself in Austen's world.

But no mothers are beating a path to her door. She leaves college with better social skills (when she sets out, she has no idea how to relate to men in day-to-day exchanges). But she still has no marriage prospects. The ticking of that danged clock tortures her.

Then a suitor does show up. Someone who has seen her at college. He's a bit weird and creepy, but lack of other opportunities makes her consider him. Huda's Dad is straight up not a fan of this guy, and anyone who wants to have anything to do with his daughter has to go through him first... But even as red flags ping up everywhere, Huda still won't out-and-out reject him. What if there's never anyone else...?



Then she decides she owes it to herself to wait. And he turns out to be a stalker and a pest. It would have been a disaster. Cue Dad to definitively scare him off...

Interestingly, though, the whole episode makes her feel better about herself. She is starting to understand the importance of self-love.

Time continues to go by. Friends get married, and divorced. Her sisters get married. Her parents get divorced. There's been lots of personal development, but she confesses she feels lonely. So, still in the interests of self-development, she signs up for a conference on Islamic studies. And it has hardly started before she sees a guy she REALLY likes. It's Gehad (pronounced Jihad, which in subsequent stories will lead to lots of trouble, I gather).

Anyway, she consults Sheikh Z, who's a bit of a marriage wizard. She mentions no names, just asks for his help in finding someone suitable for her. He's quite a wise man, and suggests she lower her expectations. No good, he says, meeting someone she might resent because she can't keep up, or who might resent her for holding him back. Very sensible. And, after a little while -- lo and behold -- he suggests Gehad.

They exchange biodata. He phones her Dad. They have their first date (at home and chaperoned). They hit it off. There are more dates. Still chaperoned.

"Did you know," Huda asks us, "that souls meet each other in a pre-earthly life? And when those souls meet each other again on Earth, it's as if they'd known each other forever. That's why you can meet someone for the first time and feel like you've known them your whole life. With Gehad, I knew almost instantly that our souls had met before. It was undeniable."

Finally, we see them throwing themselves exuberantly into the two bits of the traditional Muslim wedding: The kitab (the religious ceremony, plus party) and the walima (just party).

May you live happily ever after, Huda and Gehad...



*_*_*

Now, I guess there are people who think this is terrible. Propaganda for an outdated societal practice that can do great harm.

And yes, badly done, an arranged marriage can do great harm. I know of one that did just that. And not everyone is going to be as lucky as Huda.

But as Fahmy says at the beginning, no-one is talking here about "forced marriages", which are outlawed in Islam. And with the backing of loving parents and a supportive community, and with the sort of progression that is outlined here, which allows for independent initiative and the expression of choice, you feel there could be much worse things... Another arranged marriage that I'm familiar with was hugely successful, and became one of the closest relationships I know of. Conversely, people who are completely free to select their partners often make the most disastrous choices...

So I don't want to judge either way. But as an explanation of how this all worked for one particular woman in one particular community, then That Can Be Arranged is hard to beat.


One of the Muslim weddings we attended in Yogya, 2013